“Anything that can go wrong will go wrong” ~Murphy’s Law

Soul crushing. That’s what life has become. A non-stop out of control crapfest hell bent on eradicating any and all confidence I may have had in myself, in my job, in others, in anything. An anxiety-ridden “thrill ride” forcing me down a perpetually open bottle of Xanax.

Let’s begin with work: I’m basically doing the work of a small staff, no real boss to speak of (though this isn’t the problematic part), a laundry list a mile long, and every single human being I work near breathing down my neck expecting me to perform great feats of impossibility while I run myself (and my sentence structure) ragged. I’m exhausted.

Next, health: I’m having major surgery in December. I’m nervous and just a tinge scared about what that means. There’s no one to pick up the slack at work when I go out. I have to take an entire month to recoup, and I’m always worried about what goes on under anesthesia. It’s just a hotbed of unrest, and I am mildly to moderately dreading it (on the flip side, no more pain, so there’s that…hello silver lining is that you??).

Thirdly, my home life: I can’t stop having painfully vivid dreams about my mom and death in general. There’s nothing quite like waking up to an onslaught of tears and emotionally scarring physical lethargy.

Now, the home life I’m TRYING to lead: Those of you who know me personally know I’ve been trying to buy a house. It’s a solid financial decision that took me years to come to. Let’s just say it hasn’t gone well. The first house I put in an offer on had a shady bank as an owner and wouldn’t let us do an inspection (offer pulled). House number two was a sweet little coastal number that (with a little work) could’ve been a charming starter home…until a cash buyer undercut my offer (goodbye). And finally, the piece de resistance: I put in my offer, they countered, we countered, they countered, and I accepted. THEN they called back mere moments later and said they had another offer and would decide the “best” offer by Friday at noon. First of all unprofessional, second of all shady, third of all fuck you. I’ve never felt more beat down in my life. Is it supposed to be this hard???

I know I say it all the time dear reader, but this time I double mean it…CAN I GET A WIN HERE? Just one little win? One eensy-weensy little win that I never even tell anyone about, just keep close to my heart in an effort to regain some emotional buoyancy?!?!

Universe, I’m on my knees here.

Give a girl a break.

🖤