Summerland 

I am officially a resident of New Jersey.  

I am officially on my own.

I jumped without a safety net, and I came out on the other side relatively unscathed.  

Admittedly, I have mixed emotions about the whole ordeal.  Though I desperately love my job, the people therein, and my new place of residence…I am lacking friends (the best ones in the world, might I add), and the support system I’ve come to know and love.  It’s difficult to start over.  It’s probably the hardest and most daunting thing I’ve ever undertaken on my own…but I’ve done it.  

Every day that goes by, I am amazed by the changes I’ve undergone in the last year.  I went from passive bystander in my own life, to active participant, and I couldn’t be more pleased.  The differences are noticed by me daily, and this Thanksgiving (aka The Day of Indigenous Subjugation), I can honestly say I’ve never been more thankful.  Every day, every moment, is full of hope and promise and I am proud of who I am, as well as proud of who I one day will be, (as I happily live a life of constant improvement).  

There are some people I would like to acknowledge as the holiday season rapidly approaches:

Mercedes:  I love how we are able to lift one another up and help each other stand tall throughout adversity.  You are amazing, and wonderful,  and you are hands down one of the best friends I’ve ever had.  Keep waterboarding men with their own tears.  ❤️

Casey:  Dude, I couldn’t have kept it together this year without you.  You’re a fucking rockstar and I love you like a sister.  Best come visit me soon, cause I’m already having withdrawals.  🤘🏻

Joe:  Thank you for everything you’ve done for me.  Thank you for being there.  Thank you for being you.  

Anastasia, Suzanne, Aileen & Rich:  I love you all.  Work besties 4 lyfe!

Squab🍕:  I love you all, and I miss you like crazy!  You guys are my first real group of friends, and I cherish you all like whoa.  I’m going to come visit soon, and we’re going to Datz, bishes!  #fusionfries

As for the holidays…I couldn’t be more excited!  The Christmas season is bright, beautiful, and screams new beginnings…the lights, music, movies, feelings, decor…it’s everything to me.  This will be my first holiday alone, and though there will be fewer presents under the tree, there is more peace in my heart…and nothing feels quite like it.  

Be safe, be happy, be thankful always…not just once a year.  Have a wonderful holiday weekend, kids!  I love you all!  ❤️❤️❤️

The Impression That I Get

Though time and space may separate us, you are always in my heart.  Once I asked for friendship, and somewhere deep down, I think I was denied.  I’ve stopped texting you…which is probably for the best, since effort is (supposed to be) a two way street.  It would be up to you to say hello now, and ask to maybe see me, like we’d planned.  I can’t do it all, though you have to know how badly I want to.  

Maybe I’ll see you December 30th.  Wouldn’t that be something?  You and me under the same roof, hearing the same music, breathing the same air.  Strange.  

So many things going on in my life right now.  Things one would share with a friend.  Someone who knew you better than anyone else.  A person who cares for you, and who you care for in return.  It would be so easy to talk to you, and maybe hear your voice.  It’s been forever.  You moved and promised to call me once you settled…I never expected a call, which is good, since I didn’t get one.

I know you don’t read this anymore.  I’m sure you stopped caring a long time ago.  But this is my blog, and these are my words…as painful as they often are.  I need to get it all out, so that someday it won’t feel so…I dunno…empty…without your friendship.  

Life is currently being lived, time is always passing…but I remain the same.  Stronger definitely, and terminally resilient…but even after all that I am unchanged intrinsically.  So just know that I think about you often…and I’m always wishing you well.  You know where I’ll be.  

❤️