Time Bomb

Last night was one of the worst I’ve ever experienced.  From beginning to end it was a nonstop parade of shit, and even now in the glaring light of day, I am unable to escape its events.

A man pretending to be my lyft driver tried to sexually assault me.  I will spare you the gory details, since reliving such atrocities is difficult for both me and my reader.  Just know that he’s nursing some wounds today…he picked the wrong woman to mess with.  I haven’t fought like that in some time, and today my body is reminding me of just that very fact.  I haven’t stopped shaking.  

On my way home, I was visibly shaken from the horrid turn my night had taken.  I was around twenty-five minutes from home, when a car pulled in front of me and slammed on its brakes.   I rear-ended said car.  I’ve had this happen once before, in the early 2000’s…it’s a way to commit insurance fraud.  I hit them, I’m at fault.  No way to fight it.  I’m just screwed.  Now, 12+ hours later my car won’t start, and I don’t know what to do.  

Lately my stress levels have been through the roof.  I’ve been coping as well as can be expected, but things just haven’t been going my way.  I don’t feel equipped to process any of this.  Part of me wants to retreat into silence and nurse my wounds, part of me wants to fight through the pain (mental, physical, emotional), and part of me wants to simply give up and break down.

Not entirely sure of what I should do.  I feel really lost, and unbelievably alone.  

Happy Mother’s Day to me.

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