You do you, boo boo.

There comes a time in every person’s life when they get a moment to really do something nice for themselves…for me, that’s TAX TIME!  

Get a little windfall, and I will happily  stimulate the economy.  

Pay off those credit cards?  Ok!  Need some fancy new undergarments?  Hell yeah!  Sephora trip?  Done and done!  Take the boy out to a rockstar lunch and treat him to a new video game?  All of the above!  

Being able to let loose once in awhile is the cornerstone to good mental health.  Do what makes you happy.  Be with the ones you love.  

As Donna and Tom from “Parks and Rec” taught me:



Of Dogs & Dialogues 

My mom always used to say that everyone has two dogs inside of them and they are always at odds…at the end of the day, the one that wins is the one that you feed the most.

You have two very distinct personalities…constantly warring with seemingly no chance of reconciliation.  No, we’re not talking about MPD (multiple personality disorder), we’re talking about the internal struggle between light and dark.  The war within.  Let’s break these fellahs down:

Personality #1: The funny, kind, nurturing person I fell in love with.  This is the guy, that after finding out that I find flowers sad (because they’re dead) and a kind of a waste, brought me a dozen chocolate roses on Valentine’s Day.  This personality is charming and inspirational and can talk to me for hours on end about anything, or even nothing at all.  This is the epic parental figure and the great communicator.  We live, we love, we laugh, and we enjoy life.

Personality #2: The controlling and clinical antithesis of Personality #1.  This is the guy that gives up before really even trying.  This is the side so consumed by legacy that family and everything else unrelated is foreign.  #2 revels in making life difficult and taking any and all emotions out of every situation.  This is the obsessive and aggressive goal seeker, to the detriment of all else.

When I answer the phone I never know who’s going to be on the other line.  In the last week I feel as though I’ve been talking to #1, and when I answered the call today it was immediately “hello, number 2!”.

The hardest part (from my end), is keeping the hope alive when #2 comes a-callin’.  #2 likes to tell me that he no longer wants to try…#1 on the other hand is all about working things out,  actively participating in counseling, and often tells me that we don’t need to make any decisions today.

How am I supposed to find balance when I’m constantly knocked off of my feet?

Dreams, Giving Up, and the Fine Art of Not Losing Your Sh*t

Giving up is easy.  Being weak of will is easy.  To be strong takes determination, fortitude and a serious umbrella to weather the storms ahead.  Nothing good, nothing worthwhile ever comes from easy.  When things come easy they are often taken for granted and left eventually by the wayside.

I’m a fighter.  I’m a survivor.  I’ve been this way my entire life and I’m not about to stop now.  I’m an independent free-thinker and a proponent for change.  People seem to think that life happens on their schedule, and unfortunately that’s almost never the case.  

You have to take each day as it comes.  Prepare for the future, remember the past, but live in the present.  Let me make this perfectly clear: you cannot live in the past.  Looking constantly at what’s behind you keeps a person from seeing what’s in front of them.  You’re truly unable to move forward.  

A bone of contention for T is that my only dream is to be happy.  When you have a child in your teens, your only goal/dream in life is to raise them right, and prepare them for their life’s goals.  You go to work everyday, nurture them, and do your best to equip them with the tools necessary for their survival.  Dreams are a luxury I was never able to afford.  All I’ve ever wanted out of life was to be happy.  I personally think that’s a noble goal.  

Sometimes I believe that I was placed on this earth to help others realize and achieve their dreams.  Maybe that’s my goal…maybe that’s my dream.  Being there for my son when he says he wants to be a psychologist…or when T says he wants to open a dojo and secure his legacy.  Perhaps I was put here for (the proverbial) you.  Now that’s a thought.

Be strong.

Never give up.

Keep fighting.

Don’t take no for an answer…I know I won’t.


What to expect when you expect nothing

I’ve tried very hard during this process to come into each new day with no expectations. This isn’t always easy…as a matter of fact it’s downright hard.  I’m used to a certain lifestyle, and having to change my needs to suit the situation has been trying (at best).  

Amending expectations can be exceedingly difficult, but rewarding when adapting to life outside of normalcy.  When you begin each day with a clean slate, it takes the burden off of the other party, and aids in transition.  

Become adaptable.  Life may not always go as planned, but within that lies great potential for (perhaps) something greater.  Be open to change.  Hope, but never expect.  Always be grateful, and continue to grow in all things.  Make yourself a priority.  And smile, simply because you can. 💕