My son and I have been spending a lot of time together. He’s such a spectacular kid. I feel so fortunate to have made such a wonderful candidate for adulthood. The one thing in my life that I’ve done right.
He and his girlfriend broke up about a week or so ago. She said she needed the proverbial “space” and then she came back and broke up with him…familiar? Yeah, I thought so too. Poor guy was a wreck for days. Wouldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep…another parallel? You betcha.
But, as most young men his age do, he found someone else…mind you, they’re not “together” per se, but they’re texting a mile a minute and she’s coming with us to a concert on Monday. Now he’s got the pep back in his step and he’s laughing again…which brightens my day to no end. But it makes me wonder why I’m unable to do the same. Maybe it’s because I don’t want to. Maybe it’s because I gave my heart away, and I’ll probably never get it back. Maybe it’s because I wasn’t meant to be happy. Some people are just unlucky in love.
I’m coming to grips with being alone, and doing alone things. In two years when my sweet son goes into the Navy I’ll really be alone, and I’m working on becoming ok with that also. I’d rather be alone than be with someone who isn’t the one. Who doesn’t make my heart sing, and all of that other clichéd nonsense that I’ve come to believe in. I’ve made countless mistakes in my life, and giving up on this won’t be one of them.
I’m still resolved. I’m still true. I’m still here.