Just Me and the Worker Bee

a_drone_bee_by_macrojunkie

This is the worker bee.  The worker bee is any female bee that “lacks the reproductive capacity of the colony’s queen bee” (Wikipedia).  This little lady goes about her day gathering pollen and cross-pollinating flowers…just helping to facilitate our fragile little ecosystem, until the day she keels.

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This is Amy.  Amy gets up every morning and goes to work.  Currently she has two jobs, as well as a full-time job as a parent.  Much like the worker bee, Amy will do nothing but work and work and work until the day she dies.  Instead of processing pollen, she processes heartbreak.  Since 2016 has been damn near nothing but heartbreak, she is getting more than her fair share of practice. Though she is part of a whole, she is (for a while at least) becoming a very solitary creature…preferring her daydreams to real people.  At this moment in time, she finds herself commiserating with a fictitious 90’s TV ingénue, and doing her worker bee damnedest to push on.

 

***

Guys, I’m doing my best here.  I have so many unanswered questions.  I know that you’re going to get tired of hearing about how the love of my life left me.  But I can’t stop talking about it until I can get through it.  The lingering questions and the constant ache in my chest tell me that this is going to be a long process.

I don’t know about you, but I’m a big fan of torturing myself.  I like to try and figure out what I did wrong, and what I could’ve done better.  I’ve been told not to think that way, but when you have nothing but time on your hands and your phone is distinctly silent on a constant basis…your mind begins to wander.  When we’d talk he’d tell me that I was “amazing”…but apparently I’m not amazing enough…not good enough…not perfect enough.  Don’t get me wrong, dear reader, I know this was a time issue.  Right people, wrong time.  Of this I have no doubt.  That’s why I can keep hoping, because when two people have that kind of a deep connection, they have to know that it’s truly something.  The universe can’t be done with us just yet…it never really gave us a chance.

I’m just waiting for that chance.  I just hope that he’s open to that as well.

 

 

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