Today was a bit of a rough one. But I remain faithful and committed to the idea that I deserve love…whatever the cost. I know that he’ll come to his own conclusions and I’m just crossing my fingers in the hopes that they coincide with mine. Any practical man knows that some things are just too good to give up.
I always talk to him. Whether he knows it or not, I’m always talking to him. Through pictures, songs, and most definitely through the words I seem to be recording daily. If he doesn’t know how much he means to me by now, then there’s no hope that he ever will. I’m not normally so sure-footed in the face of such emotion, but this time I know it’s right. Looking inward and really examining my feelings has done me such good. I feel cleansed, renewed, and stalwart in my current convictions. I have found my answers, and they give me (at least) a modicum of peace.
Every single day I wonder how he is, and if he’s thinking of me too. I wonder if he tosses and turns at night, the way I have. If he’s cried…looked over the pictures…listened to recordings…felt things he never thought possible for a girl so far away.
Even in this radio silence he still makes me smile. I listen to recordings and I giggle, or sigh, or blush. I see things that remind me of him, and I am transported back again…to that perfect time.
I have strength.
I have faith.
I dare to hope.