Dat Long Distance Lyfe

The interwebs is a complicated mixture of porn, ads, porn ads, and instant communication. Uniting people whom under other circumstances would never have been given the opportunity to practice their witty repartee on one another.
I’ve met thousands of people online…literally thousands. I enjoy chatting with randos just as much as the next attention whore, but normally I don’t connect with them on a personal level. It tends to be very superficial and without real merit.  

Then I met him. 

Let me preface this by saying: I get probably 20+ messages a day from people (ok men, let’s be honest), and I always try to be polite and even kind…with a little flirtation thrown in (on occasion) for good measure. This particular message’s owner had no profile pic, no pictures at all.  I thought…oooooook, chat for a minute and block, (as is my usual MO). But this guy was so freaking genuine and charming, I couldn’t help but talk to him. I made him send me a picture (and begged the internet gods to make sure he wasn’t a fucking troll), and low and behold, he was not (fears abated). We wound up chatting via messenger for a bit, and then again for the next few days…and then a few days after that…and finally, I graced him with my number.  

I swear, the moment I heard his voice it was like coming home.  He was so like me, it blew my mind.  Same likes, same dislikes, and enough difference to keep things interesting.  I found myself smiling like a total moron when we talked…and then at work, where coworkers began to question my smile and perhaps even, my sanity.  I felt girly and stupid and absolutely 100% ridiculous and I loved every minute.  

The only problematic thing is the distance involved…I’ve never done the “long distance” thing, and I kinda hoped I never would (as I’m  needy af and require a METRIC TON of attention on the regular).  But somehow I haven’t died yet…so in this I take a great deal of solace.  

We talk every day.  

We message every day.  

We laugh every day.  

Soon he’ll be here for a visit and things will change.  After being so used to the lack of physical intimacy between us, and thus far dealing pretty well with this issue as a whole, I’m pretty nervous about what happens after he again departs.  Will I be able to keep it together knowing what I’m missing?  How do people do this long term and how long must I wait before I’m able to have what I want?

I am brimming with questions.  Though I’m unable to answer a single one.  There’s so many variables out there to make sense of, and so many boxes to tick off before certain things are able to occur.  The ditched bitch has never been a fan of the uncertain…and this is most definitely uncharted territory.  

So dear reader, how does one go about feeling normal, when nothing is?

How is momentum maintained?

How does one deal with things beyond their control?

All of these questions will hopefully be answered in the order in which they are received…

Please take a cosmic number, and the gods will be with you shortly ❤️🐠🍕🐿


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