Head Like A Hole

I’m having a rough day.  These days come and they go, but no two are ever alike.  This one feels like tears, tempered with a hot side of bubbling anger.  It aches, yet is soft and slithery like a daytime nightmare.  It’s every moment lacking in basic human clarity…what I’m trying to say, is I’m really tired of hurting and I want it all to go away.  

First off, I’m lonely.  I tend to require a lot of attention (not in a negative way, of course)…so being without a significant other leaves me twisting in the wind, begging for any scraps being thrown to me by the unwashed masses.  I miss having someone to dote on, someone to take care of, someone to love…someone to love me as well.  I can’t rely on my son or my friends to compensate for the loneliness I feel.  This is a road I must travel on my own.

Strength comes from within.  The hardest part of my journey is remembering that it’s ok to be sad, and it’s ok to be angry.  I’m strong enough to feel every feeling and come back stronger.  What doesn’t kill me, and all of that…

There’s a phenomenal Christmas movie (a Rankin-Bass film for you retro cinema nerds), and one of the film’s seminal movie moments is the song “Put one foot in front of the other…and soon you’ll be walking across the floor…put one foot in front of the other…and soon you’ll be walking out the door…”.  Baby steps…every day is another step.  Though I occasionally feel hobbled, I will never stop trying.  Soon, I’ll be walking out the door. ❤️

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