My mom always used to say that everyone has two dogs inside of them and they are always at odds…at the end of the day, the one that wins is the one that you feed the most.
You have two very distinct personalities…constantly warring with seemingly no chance of reconciliation. No, we’re not talking about MPD (multiple personality disorder), we’re talking about the internal struggle between light and dark. The war within. Let’s break these fellahs down:
Personality #1: The funny, kind, nurturing person I fell in love with. This is the guy, that after finding out that I find flowers sad (because they’re dead) and a kind of a waste, brought me a dozen chocolate roses on Valentine’s Day. This personality is charming and inspirational and can talk to me for hours on end about anything, or even nothing at all. This is the epic parental figure and the great communicator. We live, we love, we laugh, and we enjoy life.
Personality #2: The controlling and clinical antithesis of Personality #1. This is the guy that gives up before really even trying. This is the side so consumed by legacy that family and everything else unrelated is foreign. #2 revels in making life difficult and taking any and all emotions out of every situation. This is the obsessive and aggressive goal seeker, to the detriment of all else.
When I answer the phone I never know who’s going to be on the other line. In the last week I feel as though I’ve been talking to #1, and when I answered the call today it was immediately “hello, number 2!”.
The hardest part (from my end), is keeping the hope alive when #2 comes a-callin’. #2 likes to tell me that he no longer wants to try…#1 on the other hand is all about working things out, actively participating in counseling, and often tells me that we don’t need to make any decisions today.
How am I supposed to find balance when I’m constantly knocked off of my feet?